I haven’t done this in awhile but something happened… and so here i am. 

Ever had that moment when you had a crazy idea, acted on it, and then kicked yourself later? Yeah I had one of those today. Now I’m not yet ready to actually share what it was because then you will know just how corny I am sometimes. So to save face I won’t talk about it,….. well lets just say it involves a phone, a store and a group of onlookers - who probably thought I was a little cray cray. 

As I sit here and laugh at myself and my ridiculous behavior I think: “damn Juelle how awkward can you get?” Lets just say I’m not known to be impulsive, I usually think about things first. So when I start to fly by the seat of my pants, you just never know what I’m going to do next, hell I even surprise myself.

This is what happens when you have very very little social interactions outside of the work environment (I’m working on that by the way). But anyway, I think I have found a new appreciation for these moments. They seem to bring out the nutcase in me and every now and then I guess it’s acceptable. They bring laughter and sunshine (how cheesy does that sound), but its true. 

I think I have had enough of this. 

Just enjoy your awkward moments! 

The thing I love the most about this world we live in, is that there is never a dull moment. Even though our lives might be at a stand still the lives of others keep us engaged. There are moments when we go into deep thought and over analyze every little thing about a person down to the music they like to listen too, and you want to know a secret: There are times we don’t even know we’re doing it. AIN’T LIFE GREAT!

Yes it is. It’s great even though there are moments when your heart is hurting and you feel like you can’t make it through - Don’t I sound cliche? probably - but I think it’s true. Then there are the times when some one makes you so vexed you think of committing homicide - sad thing is for some people that’s their reality - and then there are those precious moments of joy and happiness that leave you dreaming of roses and hallmark cards.

But as you can see the world ain’t perfect and neither are the people living on this planet we call earth - random thought: how is it that we came to call this planet earth? Why does it feel right to call a car a car or an apple an apple if we didn’t exist millions of years ago? Any who I digress, I do that some times just go off on random tangents.

There are plenty of people out there who “Want to make a difference and change the world”, but without a little chaos, stupidity, and ignorance I wonder what life would be like? BORING!!!! I say that now even though I’m one of those people who want to better the world and to change the way the we interact with different kinds of people. Our differences should be embraced, Hell I find it fascinating. 

But I will leave you with this If there were aliens from another planet trying to take over and destroy earth and all of its inhabitants, do you really think that they would discriminate the way we do against each other? HELL NO!!! To them we’re earthlings, aliens their killing all of us men, women and children. So do we stand together or fall divided?

Do you even care?!!! ;)

“Blogging is not for the faint of heart.” -Juelle

I seldomly faint unless I missed breakfast and lunch, which has been happening way to often now days. No, I’m not trying to lose weight but when you work in the kitchen you don’t eat like you should, unless you have alarms set. 

Anyway I did have something to write about so let me get to it. I Pretend. Doesn’t that sound horrible when you first think about it - “What do you mean you pretend? Do you mean your fake?” Nope that’s not it at all, although those were the first questions that popped into my head when I type that sentence. Maybe I’m not using the correct verbiage, maybe I should of said I’m adaptable, but to me it didn’t quite fit what I had in mind. So I’ll use the word pretend and try to explain.

I am GUILTY of trying to be a “Jade” of all trades. I like to know a little about a lot, and it can really become confusing. I’m pretty sure at times I felt like a puppet, but there was actually a very tiny part of me that was interested in the subject whatever it happen to be at the time.  I guess basically other people’s interest interested me more than my own. I have always been interested in people; all different kinds of people, and the things that interest them. To be perfectly honest I am still interested in different kinds of people and I think that I will always be. 

In elementary and middle school you could translate this as me trying to be friends with a lot of people; getting to know them. The end of middle school and the beginning of high school is when it changed. It wasn’t about making friends I was angry at the world and really couldn’t give a damn one way or the other. No it started to be about how I could prove and improve who I was; a surprisingly developed teenage girl with a lot of insecurities and a want to help others so she wouldn’t have to deal with herself.

Again I don’t know if pretend is the word I’m looking for but that is how I felt. It was like trying on different hats and never finding the perfect fit. And yes I know that nothing is perfect but I do believe that there is a “just right” for everyone including myself.

WOAH!! Actually writing the words is starting to make me feel very liberated. I’m afraid to say that I am still plagued with insecurities, but then again who isn’t? I’m proud to say that now I don’t have to pretend, I’ve found something that I can call mine. I’ve found my own interest, my own dream. Yes, I’m still very unsure on how to accomplish what I want but I was never a quitter, I’m just too damn stubborn - or so my mummy and daddy like to tell me.

I didn’t think this would be so long winded and I’m not even sure if I got my point of view across. Pretending is something that comes natural me when I can’t see clearly for myself. It has nothing to do with trying to manipulate the people around me into thinking I really care. Wow that sounded harsh. Thing is I do care and I believe that the people who I’ve met in my life so far were put there for a purpose, and I am grateful.

Damn, why do I feel like I just talked in circles…

I didn’t want to write this, but if I don’t it will just be one more thing I have to lock away in my mental storage container; and quite frankly it’s over flowing.

(deep breath) I am a serial dreamer. There I said it. I’m going to try and not sound so sentimental because I’m not THAT sensitive. But, yes I love dreaming, and yes of course mostly happy dreams of bright loving futures. I’m honest it’s all made up in this average sized head of mine, but what is life without dreams? 

I admit that in this dream world everyone walks around with rose colored glasses, but I’m not that naive, I also have realistic dreams to keep my feet on the ground. Pretty sure we’ve all had the “I wish I could snap my fingers anytime time and change “__blank__”” kind of dreams. We are after all human… or are we? There I go off in my dream world where the only tears that flow are full of happiness, and then I wake up. 

I’m back in the real world but I do catch myself daydreaming on a regular basis. Like any normal person I also talk to myself. No, I’m not crazy… well maybe a little after all my favorite past time is shopping for a new knife or kitchen gadget. After all it comes with the territory, and most people wouldn’t tell you this but between you and I chefs are crazy. We are artists and dreamers. How else can we come up with creative menus and produce exotic dishes that are so aestheticallly pleasing to the eye that it makes people’s mouths water in anticipation. 

Oh boy I went there again, but it’s okay. Most times I have the urge to dream under control and when I don’t I just pray no one sees it.